The Murder at Gingerbread Grange: a Miss Necco Mystery Pastiche

For those who were unaware of it, a mysterious homicide recently occurred at Gingerbread Grange, our  seasonal fantasy country house. While the Picky Eater and her parents were briefly detained as persons of interest, Inspector Raisinet of the local constabulary was unable to satisfactorily weave the myriad of confusing clues and red herrings into a coherent case against them.

The facts of the case are these:

In the wee hours of a day in late December, while all the residents of Gingerbread Grange were absent - the Chemist out dancing the night away, the Cook on an emergency run to a 24-hour grocery for powdered sugar, and the Maker ensconced in the bowels of the house employing his extensive collection of mechanical snakes in an attempt to clear the cookie frosting from the sewer line.

When the Maker emerged after several hours of futile efforts, he found a stranger lying in the yard, dead as a doornail - impaled by a candy corn through the heart!

The man's name was Mr. Biscotto, and for several reasons he had become anathema to the family. They believed that he was more than likely the culprit in several unfortunate tragedies which had rocked the family in recent weeks-

the loss of a precious recipe, a secret formula, and a dispute concerning a laser patent.

While the police were able to identify a number of clues- A puddle of melted butter on the candy stone path, short-circuited headlights on the rented vintage VW bug parked next to the Grange, the purloined Nancy Drew recipe in Mr. Biscotto’s pocket, Mr. Biscotto’s nefarious activities as a patent thief – there were many unanswered questions – For instance, was the moose a laser gingerbread cutout decoy? 

Further research into his background by an informant to the constabulary revealed these shocking details concerning Mr. Biscotto:

"I  contacted one of the world's greatest drummers and amateur private detective, one Ginger Baker. He ran a background check on your Mr. Biscotto...real name, Anthony Biscotti, aka Naughty Tony Biscotti. As it turns out, Naughty Biscotti had quite a way with the ladies. Late night cupboard rendezvous with everyone from Betty Crocker to Dolly Madison. He made one mistake during his final tryst with...Mrs. Butterworth. Mr. Butterworth found out. You really never see the old boy around the kitchen. He maintains a very low profile and, unfortunately, is insanely jealous. The butter puddle tells all, as he was wounded during his fatal scuffle with Naughty Biscotti. If Inspector Raisenet aspires to any grapeness at all, he should bring in Mr. Butterworth for questioning and check his cholesterol type against that found in the puddle. He just might find something that will stick to Butterworth."

Into the breech steps Miss Necco, a cookie doppelganger of Agatha Christie's wonderful Miss Marple. A favorite author with the female members of our household, we are much indebted to Dame Christie for inspiring this set piece.

Despite the informant's Mrs. Butterworth allegations, Miss Necco's remains confident in her analysis and solution to the mystery:

“I was reminded of a terrible accident that occurred sometime back to a knitting acquaintance of mine in my village, Prune-on-Hudson. The poor woman tripped on her front step and impaled herself on her knitting needle. Fortunately, she had the good sense not to try to pull it out, and they got her to the infirmary in good time and the doctors were able to repair her injury.

The culprits in this crime wanted us to believe that that was what happened here. The man “stabbed through the heart” with a candy corn. But, here and there, the clues began to evince a pattern to me, and, yes, I do believe that I am correct.

I was first struck by the detail that all members of the household were absent or indisposed when the murder took place. With so many valuable secrets floating around the Gingerbread Grange it seemed most unsuitable that no one was left on guard. I had to conclude that Mr. Biscotto was meant to think that he could enter the house and pilfer it. What he didn’t know was that a most devious ambush was in store for him.

As he snuck up to the house, intending to use the candy corn to break and enter the Grange, he tripped a hidden alarm secreted in the path and was blinded by a laser beamed from the headlights of the old car which was, of course, why they appeared to be burnt out. Sightless and befuddled, he stumbled in the puddle of butter, slipped, and fell onto his sword, as it were.

So, it was a combination of the hidden security apparatus at the Gingerbread Grange and Mr. Biscotto’s own wicked intentions that brought about his demise.

As to the overly ingenious residents of the Gingerbread Grange, I do hope that they decide that their home would be better suited to more mundane purposes, and that they remove themselves from the premises at their earliest convenience, before dear doltish Inspector Raisinet manages to put more than two and two together and notices the many instances of triangulation in this case.

With that, I do think that it is time for me to get back to my cottage and make sure that that my silly housemaid Elsie hasn’t run off with the butcher’s assistant. You have no idea what intrigue and illicit romance can go on in a small village beneath the nose of even the most observant old spinster!”